Embarassing stuff that WILL happen

First, let's talk about wet sneezes. No, I don't mean when you spray saliva and mucus everywhere, I'm talking about when the sneeze causes you to lose control of your bladder for a moment. Even if you are the Kegel queen, they can still happen toward the end when you've got a 6,7,8 lb baby pushing his/her head down on your bladder. There is only one thing that you can do to have minimal damage: pressure in the opposite direction (ie: mainly sitting down). If you can, try to sit, or at least cross your legs if you're standing (like in an elevator), this can help a lot. The other thing is to always wear a pantiliner. While plenty of pregnancy books will advocate letting as much air circulation as possible, and only cotton underwear, I've got to admit, I'd rather save my clothes/furniture/rug. Plus, I'm already so wet from discarge that I really can't go without. One of my favorite quotes is from the Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy saying it's like a tropical rainforest between your legs. Truer words were never writ.

Second, we've got hemorroids. Even if you avoid them during your pregnancy because you're great about getting enough fiber and being regular, there's a very good chance you will get them during labor because of all that fantastic pushing you will do. They're gross, mildly uncomfortable and can be itchy. So, add the hemorroids from my first pregnancy (which, by the way, can apparently be taken care of with an easy laser procedure that nobody told me about until I was pregnant again) with my all-to-frequent intenstinal distress and my poor bottom is a mess. One of my midwives suggested diaper balm. Not a bad idea, but my son's makes his bottom smell like lavender. A treat when changing his diapers, but not what I wanted for me. So I'm using belly balm. Oh, my, goodness, it is working so well to soothe! But in general, if it's good enough for baby's bottom, it should be good enough for yours as well.