Breastfeeding: my dirty little secret

Still in pain, but it's time to move on, blog-wise.

I am a huge, huge advocate of breastfeeding. Unless you're a drug addict, it is the best thing to feed your baby. It's natural, it's usually on tap, and it's free. It contains everything nutritionally that your baby needs for the first year of life (although most babies are interested in solids before then). And it can also be incredibly difficult, painful and frustrating. Part of the problem is that we don't have a breastfeeding culture, I mean, before you have a baby, how many women do you see breastfeeding?

I couldn't do it, not exclusively, and I was horribly ashamed of it. My baby had sucking issues that took two and a half weeks to diagnose, I had an unsympathetic pediatrition and in the time it took to figure things out, my supply nearly dried up. After a month of working with a lactation consultant and the prescription drug Reglan, I was finally able to give him mainly breast milk. Then I had to go back to work. I was exhausted, overstressed, suffering from Postpartum Depression and had an extremely unsympathetic company. In the nine weeks that I attempted to be a working mom, my supply dropped precipitiously so that by the last week at work, pumping four times a day, I was getting an ounce or two of milk. Add in the fact that baby had been on the bottle for most of his waking hours at day care, and he had lost interest in my breasts. I dried up completely at seven and a half months and still mourn it (and I totally allowed the bottle before nap and bedtime for much longer than I should have because of my guilt, we finally got rid of them this weekend at seventeen and a half months).

To focus on the positive: this time around I know what I'm doing, even if my new baby still won't. I know and trust the lactation consultants at the hospital and will go in at the first sign of trouble. I swear that this time I will join La Leche League (I was too depressed to, last time). And each time you have a new baby, you have more milk ducts, and more milk production. The fact that I'm already up to a D from my little As this soon is also a good sign (last time my breasts didn't really grow until the end, which I've heard is a bad sign). So here is keeping my fingers crossed. Oh, and hopefully this time I will get over any shame of having problems much faster, too.

More of the same

Made it to my GP, the first appointment available with the physical therapist is Thursday morning. I'm not sure what I'm going to do until then. I'm sorry this blog is now so awful and boring. When I can sit again I promise to write about breastfeeding!

Still in pain

Didn't sleep much last night, I was tossing and turning too much. I did, however, have an easier day today. The family met some friends at the zoo for the day and walking around for hours left me painless. Until I sat down again. Oh, and I'm thoroughly exhausted. So I'm back in pain this evening. The yoga pose Child's Pose also helps a bit, but because I've broken both of my feet, I can't stay in it for very long. C'est la vie. I love babies, I love babies, I love babies.

Pain!

Back in 2003, when my husband and I were in the early bliss of our relationship, we were horsing around in the pool one day. He was tossing me around and, deceived by the weightlessness of the water, I attempted to throw him. Big, big, BIG mistake. I wrenched my back and tweaked my hamstring. For the most part I'm fine, but every once in a while I have a flare-up for a couple of days. Add in pregnancy and I've been in excruciating pain much of today with limited mobility. I managed to hold it together to host a community meeting this morning, but then I took a nap and could barely get out of bed. I would normally get in the jacuzzi tub, but not while pregnant!

So, what can I do? When I had back pain (unrelated) during my last pregnancy I went to physical therapy and it helped 100%. Monday morning I will be calling my GP first thing to set up an appointment to get a referral (don't you love all of the hoops you have to jump through for insurance?) to a physical therapist. In the mean time, I'm using a heating pad and getting massages from my husband. And just biting my tongue since I refuse to take any pain meds.

Screening for birth defects

Today I went in for an ultrasound and blood test to check for the possibility of Down's Syndrome and two Trisonomy disorders (I don't remember the specifics, I missed my nap today). I'm not at high risk, but the test is relatively painless (finger prick) and since my insurance pays for it (and little else) I like having the peace of mind. Of course, this does bring up the question of what would my husband and I do if the tests came back positive. This is something that we discussed before getting married and procreating. Both of us are fervently pro-choice believing that a baby is not a sentient being until it is born and that there is nothing worse than an unwanted child. ( Side note: When I had my miscarriage I had to exam my opinion, for if I believe that birth is what makes a person, then how do I reconcile my feelings of loss and sorry? I had a wonderful discussion with my midwife and was able to come to terms with both without feeling hypocritical.) We feel it isn't fair to bring a child into the world if they are going to suffer beyond the pale for their lives. Nor would it be fair to other children to intentionally have a child that would take all of our time and energy. Not to mention the fact that if such a child were to outlive us then he or she would most likely be a burden upon the state and his or her siblings. I hope that we never have to make such a decision, and weighed with it, I can't guarantee what our decision would be, but I do feel better for both having discussed it beforehand, and having the foresight to take tests that will allow us to make a decision.

3rd Midwife Appointment

Okay, it was actually on Tuesday, I just had other things I wanted to write about first. And not much happened. I got to meet the newest member of my midwife team, who was awesome, as expected. They were one person short, so my appointment was only half an hour (as opposed to the ten minutes you get with an ob). I'm still nauseated, still having sleep issues, yadda, yadda, yadda. My blood pressure is still excellent, my uterus felt great, and we got to listen to Baby Blob's heartbeat! 155 bpm, just perfect. Makes things a little more real, but, honestly, it hasn't sunk in yet that there's going to be another baby in my arms at the end of August.

That's Madame President

Does that make me one of those cracks in the glass ceiling? This post is purely for bragging rights. And an example of being able to do SOMETHING other than just procreate. We live in a newer community which has some issues. Tonight was our first (long overdue) community meeting to create a board and actually get some stuff done. Out of thirteen homes, two of us showed up (my husband was at home putting #1 to bed, so he had a good excuse). I promptly volunteered to be president. In our last home, my husband was on the condo board, and while it was a lot of thankless work for him, it also kept us really connected to the community, which is even more important once children are involved.

It's really easy to withdraw from society and become homebodies once you have children. Let's face it, they're a pain to do anything with when they're younger and then become the center of all activities once they're older. But as momma bears, we also have to go out in the world and make sure that our communities, neighborhoods, schools, are places that are good for our children to be raised in. Without children, the occasional (quiet) pothouse bothers me, but I'm not going to put up a fuss. With a child walking past it every day on the way to and from school, you'd better believe that I'm going to be calling the cops every day until it's gone. Children make us have to care about the environment more, if just so we can let them out of our sight on occasion without spending the whole time worrying. When I was a child, I'd run around the neighborhood and I want my children to be able to do the same. When you have an infant, it's all you can do to keep your family sane. But once your child(ren) is(are) older, it's imperative to get out in the world and make a difference for their future.

Maternity clothes

I hear that there are good ones out there, but most of the options are horrible. I also hear that things are better now then they used to be (anyone watch Rosemary's Baby recently?), but that's not saying much. The biggest issue is expense: they're not usually cheap and you're not going to get a ton of wear out of them. Unless you're someone who usually buys new clothes each season (in which case, can I be your new best friend?). Most maternity clothes, regardless of style, or lack thereof, are cheaply made and overly priced. The most egregious example of this is Motherhood Maternity. Plus they have despicable return policies (unworn, within ten days for store credit only, full-purchase-price merchandise only) and they want a ton of personal information just to process a sale. When I refused to give them my address and phone number the cashier got really nasty with me and informed me that I would never be able to make any returns; since I was buying things on clearance, I couldn't return them anyway. After two trips into the store, I vowed never, ever to return. And they were one of the more moderately priced stores. I'll admit that I haven't gone into a Pea in the Pod after feeling some fabric (yuck), but I have heard decent things about them even if they're on the expensive side. I ended up buying most of my stuff from Target last time. The price points were good, the fabric wasn't 100% manmade and some of it was cute. But Target, I felt, was also very hit or miss.

The one place that I would recommend for beyond the basics is Gap Maternity. I lucked out and when I was pregnant in the Spring of 2008 I LOVED the styles they had that season: lots of super girly, flowery, flouncy, pink, flowy stuff. I know, totally not for everyone, but I hit my jackpot. The best part was that the maternity clothes were just like the normal stuff, but with elastic waistbands. Unfortunately, it was in the pricier category, but worth every penny. I can't wait to wear them again. Also unfortunate is that it's hard to find a Gap Maternity. I'd recommend NOT shopping on line as it's often really hard to tell how maternity clothes will fit without trying them on, but go ahead if there are good return policies and you don't have a lot of options.

It is possible to be a fashionable hot mamma, but it's hard, particularly when shopping is probably the last thing you feel like doing. But remember, this too shall pass (and just ignore the friends who can get away with wearing larger sizes instead of maternity).

Socializing while Pregnant

Going out with your friends during your first trimester can be anywhere from slightly uncomfortable to downright miserable if you're holding back telling people until the second trimester. At the very least, you have to discretely hide that you're not drinking, if you normally do. I remember starting from when my husband and I got engaged, if I were out with friends and didn't order a drink, I'd get asked if I were pregnant (wow, that really makes my friends and me all sound like alcoholics!). Depending on where you normally eat, that might have to change as well, no more sushi nights! Heartburn, nausea and or vomiting might cause you to eschew all socializing that includes food. I remember one night out with a friend where we had dinner and then went to the ballet. For dinner I ordered an innocuous-sounding vegetable tart, which turned out to be half peppers. I spent most of the ballet miserable and the whole intermission in the bathroom. Our favorite place for happy hour was a Pan-Asian restaurant with super cheap drinks. Everything was raw (sushi), spicy or alcoholic. I felt bad for not socializing, but it was better than trying to explain why I was only eating edamame.

Once everyone knows that you're pregnant and (hopefully) the morning sickness has subsided, things do get much easier. The second trimester is generally the easiest: tummy behaves, energy levels are higher and it finally hits home that, Oh My Goodness, There's a Life Inside of Me! Now you just have to worry about finding appropriate clothing. Which will be tomorrow's post.

Happy St. Valentine's Day!

If this is your first child, today is a good time to remember to spend as much quality time with your partner as possible before the birth, because you probably won't get a lot of it afterward. If you already have a child, today is a good reminder to find a reliable babysitter and get some quality time. Children are important, but sane parents are even more important. I don't know how single parents do it. When my husband is on work travel my son and I get on just fine (or the couple of times my son and I have traveled alone), but I also know that I only have to do it for a few days on my own, and the weekend he comes back I usually have "off". Remember to appreciate each other and all that you do for one another, particularly as during pregnancy it can tend to be a bit one sided (after all, you're the one carrying the baby, it's not like your partner can really help with that). After the baby comes, you'll both need to put in 150% effort to survive the first few weeks (and your percent comes from feeding the baby, feeding yourself and healing). It'll be a while before you'll be able to catch your breath again, so here's a gentle reminder to take every opportunity you have right now to breathe.

Olympics

I love watching the Olympics: cheering on the USA, cheering on the inspiring stories, cheering on the underdogs (or the occasional sure thing, like Michael Phelps!!). Nothing is more inspiring than watching someone who has spent the better part of his/her life working for this one goal and then getting to stand on the podium. I get teared up just writing about it. How does this relate to childbirth? Wait, I can link it.

You're probably not spending a lifetime preparing, but certainly a large portion of how you've lived your life will affect pregnancy and labor. If you've been eating well, get regular exercise and keep the stress levels down (ha!) this is going to be an easier journey than if not. The better you do with this during your pregnancy, ideally, the easier journey you'll have. If you're just starting now, you'll still have an impact. The better shape that you're heading into labor, the better labor should go.

Unfortunately, this does NOT guarantee an easy pregnancy and/or labor. I know plenty of women who do everything right (myself included) and have miserable pregnancies. And I know of women who do everything wrong and have easy pregnancies (I don't know about the labors). But, I tell myself, if I weren't doing (almost) everything right, how much more miserable of a time would I have? So it comes down to having faith in doing the right thing for your body and your baby.

Vaccines

Today I had to take my baby in for more vaccines and I think it hurts us almost as much as him. There are few things harder to do as a parent than to hold down your child while he is hurt, even if it is for his own good. And it is.

I am vehemently pro-vaccines. The paper that had come out several years ago with dubious connections between the MMR vaccine and autism has been outed as a fraud (see previous post from last week or the week before). There are minor risks but in general, getting the diseases are much worse than the proven potential side-effects of the vaccines. Even more important, vaccines are a public health issue. Yes, as a child I had the German measles and chicken pox without any lasting problems, but today it could be quite different. There are millions of people out there with immune deficiencies, whether from treatment of an illness (like cancer) or an autoimmune disease (AIDS being the big one), or even temporary conditions like pregnancy, old age or being a baby, and they live in society and come into contact with other people every day. People travel so much more, and are compacted with other people (trains, elevators, cities in general), that we are all exposed to more germs and a larger variety of them than thirty or forty years ago. My son has already been in three of the four corners of the country and only missed going to Canada last week because I haven't gotten his passport yet. I'd hate to see him get horribly ill because he came into contact with someone who wasn't up-to-date on their vaccines and he was too young to develop the immunity (or finish his course of shots). This has already happened once because his former pediatrician didn't want to give him the H1N1 vaccine. Or worse, my son giving one of his great-grandmothers something for which they no longer carry the antibodies for.

While I understand some of the rationale that people give for delaying some vaccines, there are few rational reasons to avoid them. So please, use common sense and vaccinate your child.

Birthing Classes

I was talking (okay, chatting on FB) with a friend today who is pregnant with her first and she said she was reluctant to take any birthing classes since there's a high chance that she could end up with a c-section. So today I'd like to write about the importance of birthing classes. Even if you have a planned c-section because you're having triplets, there is still a lot to learn about if this is your first time.

With my first pregnancy I did Bradley Method and we also signed up for every single class that the local hospital offered. The hospital classes were less helpful, but I think they were still worth the money. There is a ton of stuff going into parenthood and childbirth that you just don't even know that you don't know (I can't think of stuff now, but trust me). Particularly some of the post-partum healing that your body does. Or weird stuff that the baby does. Like the various stages of poop that a normal newborn goes through. Or how many diapers s/he should wet the first few days, or when your milk comes in. All of this, and a whole lot more, are covered in birthing classes (or at least good ones). Even if you're (hopefully!) not planning a hospital birth, they can still be a wealth of information. And it's not a bad idea if you're planning a home or birth center birth to familiarize yourself with the hospital, just in case. When it comes to parenthood, there is no such thing as being too prepared, or having too much information. Besides, once the baby is born and you don't sleep for weeks on end, you're going to forget so much that I hope your head is crowded so that some of it sticks.

Protection

Well, since we've already failed on birth control (intended or not, hehe) I'm not talking about that. No, I'm talking about your bedding. Since I posted on pillows last night I was thinking I might as well talk about protecting them today. The chance of your water breaking while you're sleeping in bed is not super high (my water broke less than fifteen minutes before my baby was born last time which was fantastic because it helped open me up with less pressure), but it can be anywhere from a trickle to a full on gush. What I'm warning about is more the after. You know how your blood volume can go up 30-50% while you're pregnant? All of that fluid has to come out somehow. Yep, a lot of it gets sweated out. Add in leaking breasts, lochea (which can be super, super high flow at first) and ineffective newborn diapers (particularly if you have a healing little boy after circumcision), there are a lot of fluids that are getting soaked into the sheets. So here is what you do. Buy a cheap, water-proof mattress pad and pillow covers. I bought mine at Target. The mattress pad was $16, I think and the pillow covers were $3 a piece (I bought 3). You should also have on hand incontinence pads (we used puppy training pads which are essentially the same thing and we had them on hand) for under you, under the baby if s/he is sleeping with you and for the couch/chair/rocker/glider under you for the first couple of weeks. If your husband isn't great with laundry, also buy a couple of throw-away sets of sheets from your local thrift store (I don't mean you actually have to throw them away, WASTEFUL!, but ones that you couldn't care less if they get stained). Just wash in hot water if you're worried about them being dirty.

And just to be clear, if you're planning on a home birth, there will be a lot, LOT more fluids flowing. But I'll get into that in a later post. :)

Pillows

Comfort, it's the hardest thing to obtain during pregnancy, particularly once your stomach starts sticking out and has its own gravitational pull. Sleep is the worst. Before my first pregnancy I was a back sleeper. That's how I was most comfortable and as an added plus, it's the position least likely to cause wrinkles. Then my back went all out of wack because of the thirty pounds of belly and nothing has ever been the same. This pregnancy my belly popped super early, so I've already been dealing with sleep discomfort (besides the excessive peeing and general nausea). My first pregnancy I resisted as long as possible (what can I say, I was dumb), but for several weeks now I've been adding pillows. So far I'm up to three additional. As soon as I got pregnant (before I even had a positive test) I had added a pillow under my head to help with the extra mucus in my head. A few weeks later I added a pillow between my knees for side-sleeping. It makes turning over a pain, but it definitely adds to the comfort level. Last week I added my belly wedge. This is a $15 half-moon wedge that helps support the belly. It hasn't made a huge difference, but it does help. Last time this made a world of difference, why I waited until about seven or eight months, I'll never know. A lot of women swear by the body pillows, but I didn't want to go there and I also feel like the bed is just too small for one. Although, I will keep adding pillows, so that really might be a wash. Just wait, I'll be up to about seven additional pillows by the end :).

What to write, what to write

The biggest problem with doing a daily blog is coming up with something mildly interesting to write about each day. With a pregnancy-dehanced brain (yep, made that word up!). I thought I had a topic, but it flew away by the time I was ready to sit down and write. Maybe if my readers commented, I could write about their comments. Yeah, that would make my life a little easier. And I know you're out there! Don't worry, you can disagree with me. As long as I know you're not a troll, I'll respond :)

An update on the little-food diet. It's working. I've been much less ill and remarkably less nauseated, too. The nausea could be abating on its own, but I doubt it. Evenings are still the worst. I wake up nauseated and it gets bearable with breakfast, but I can't do much lunch so by late afternoon I'm miserable again. Bedtime is hastened as a way to deal with the nausea. But #1 has been teething really badly again (six more to go!!!) so he's waking up at least once which reignites the nausea. Ugh. Next Tuesday is my next midwife appointment so maybe I should try some more of their suggestions before then. Yeah, if I can get up the energy to get over to Whole Foods, maybe.

Geaux Saints!

I'm not from New Orleans, and I have yet to make it there, but my heart went out to all of the residents when Katrina hit. A winning sports team hardly makes up for the catastrophe that befell the city, but at least it's a reminder that the rest of us haven't forgotten. So, instead of a pregnancy post, a pause to think of the fallen city that hopefully has much to look forward to and a winning team that is a sign of greater things to come.

And one on the anti-vaccine movement

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/06/opinion/06sat3.html?th&emc=th

I'll expound on this later, but vaccines save people's lives and there has yet to be a credible study done showing that there is a link to autism.

Okay, one food rant

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/06/business/06portion.html?th&emc=th (must be free member to read) has fun video attached

The FDA is considering revising serving sizes to reflect what Americans actually eat because if you pay attention to the labeling on your packaged food, the servings are usually ridiculously small. This could have a huge affect on how people realize their calorie consumption. For example, a serving of some chips is six chips. Even the snack packs have more than that in them! Anyway, just something to keep an eye out for in the coming year.

"Aren't you getting a little thin"

Ah, the weight loss has begun. Today I ate my customary eggs for breakfast, with a couple of turkey sausages. One granola bar. A churro at Costco (nasty, but less nasty than the minimal samples I tried) that my mother insisted on buying after the above comment. Two pieces of rye toast and butter, and orange and a half and about half a small bowl of potato leek soup. I might try some yogurt later. But, other than about ten minutes of discomfort after the first orange, no upset tummy. I've decided nausea (which won't go away anyhow) is the less of the many GI evils and am keeping my food consumption to a minimum. I had a healthy baby the first time, so even if I do this for a couple of weeks, I shouldn't actually be doing any harm. And I had some more extra this time around, too. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS!!! And I'm sure my midwives would be horrified, or at least a little worried. On the other hand, they are fairly supportive of listening to your body and mine is saying "NO FOOD, More sleep!" because it's not like I'm getting any more energy by not eating. Sigh. I'll go back to my regularly scheduled rants on the food industry and medical profession when I'm feeling better.

Food, etc.

Okay, part of the reason of this blog is to also expound upon this nation's food culture (besides knocking the medical profession). First of all, have you read Michael Pollen's books? An Omnivore's Dilemma and In Defense of Food? If you haven't go get them from the library or bookstore. I'll wait.

Good, now we're all on the same page. Basically, Big Agriculture is trying to stuff as many calories in each American as possible. The Government (in general, I like the government, except for the USDA and the FDA half the time. Kind of like I like doctors, except obs) subsidizes Big Agriculture. This keeps processed food costs artificially low. Have you seen the KFC commercial telling you that it's cheaper to buy their bucket of chicken instead of making it yourself? Yeah, that's why. This is particularly a problem in low income areas, particularly inner city ones. Imagine you've just gotten off from your second job of the day and have to go home and feed your hungry kids. What are you going to do, stop at Micky D's which is a block away, or take the bus out to the suburbs to buy some fresh fruits and vegetables and maybe a chicken or some beans (for protein) that will end up costing more and take you an hour to make. I don't even like McDonald's, but that sounds like the saner (if not healthier) option just after running after a toddler all day. I'll stop the sociology lesson and get back to the agricultural one.

Even if you're not buying processed foods, the conventionally raised and grown ones can be just as much of a problem. Petroleum-based fertilizers may grow bigger tomatoes, but they're not as healthy and the tomatoes end up taking up more energy in their production (BEFORE BEING PICKED!) than they produce. And the fertilizers destroy the soil. Hopefully, I'm preaching to the choir, but it's a nice reminder that it's not enough to eat low on the food/processing chain, but also be mindful of where your food is coming from. Hence, organics.

I do understand that they're more expensive, particularly milk (whew! it is so expensive, and my son and I go through three gallons a week). But it is possible to stay within budget and buy organic. First of all, skip the processed food. Even organic mac & cheese in a box is still bad for you, even without all of the chemicals of the Blue Box. Stick to the basics: fruits & veggies, dairy, whole grains and moderate amounts of meat. Try to buy from local sources and in season. Much easier said than done, depending on where you live (I'm still trying to convince my parents that they do not NEED tomatoes in the winter!). If you cook vegetarian at least once a week, this can help a lot with the high price of meat. Look for less expensive meats: such as a whole chicken instead of boneless, skinless breasts (you don't really need to eat beef, either. Really!). I know that time can be a premium, particularly when you're coming home to hungry spouse/child(ren) and you seem to be the only one who can cook. Slow cooker!! Put up soup or chili in the morning, come home to a ready dinner. Okay, I don't end up doing a lot of that, but it's nice to dream. My go-to meals are pasta (organic, whole grain) with a ground turkey meat sauce or stir fry (lots of veggies!). Both are really fast and easy, particularly if you chop the veggies ahead of time for the stir fry (or cheat and buy the pre-chopped organic veggies).

Okay, I know this was a really basic post, but I had to get the ball rolling somewhere. As for me, I seem to be off of all protein except for eggs. So today I ate two eggs for breakfast. An orange for lunch and potato-leek and parsnip soup for dinner. With a root beer (real brewed root beer, not some artificially flavored crap with HFCS). No wonder I don't have any energy.

Celebrities: they're just like us!

I love it when someone famous talks about natural childbirth and/or breastfeeding (see Salma Hayek for the awesome breastfeeding). I think it sends a much healthier image vs. Posh Spice's "too posh to push" c-sections. The latest is Giselle Bundchen; she had a water birth at home.

http://blogs.babycenter.com/celebrities/2010/02/02/gisele-bundchens-pain-free-natural-labor/

Go supermodel role models!

Food doesn't like me

So on a personal note for today, I was reminded how I lost eight pounds in the first trimester of my first pregnancy. Pasta. Pasta, relatively sedate pasta gave me an awful stomach ache this afternoon. So I'm on toast and plain yogurt (yum, FAGE!). And water. At least it took eleven weeks to get to this point. My poor, overworked husband had to make dinner for himself and our son. I sat in the living room ignoring their food. Lets see how long this lasts. I'm going to have some more toast.

Maternal death rates high in US

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/02/03/MNER1BRFT4.DTL&tsp=1

A dear friend (Hi MT!) forwarded this article to me today about California's increasing maternal death rates. I've seen the stats before, but it's nice to see some attention brought to it. Basically, this country has horrible maternal and fetal death rates. They've increased during the same years that C-section rates have increased by 50%. I'm talking there are many second and third-world countries with better survival than we have. Why is this and what is being done about it? Shockingly, little. The various doctors associations can't seem to see to the end of their high-tech noses. Pregnancy is not a medical condition, no more so than menstruation is. But it has become medicalized. There are plenty of studies that show that the more intervention there is during labor, the more likely a c-section is going to happen. But, the medical community usually wants to do more intervention than less, and there are perverse monetary incentives. Here is what can happen.

(I really wish I had some quotes or footnotes, but you're just going to have to trust me) A long time ago, in the first part of last century, some doctor decided that a pregnancy is 40 weeks (the average pregnancy is actually 41 weeks, one day). This has become the standard so any deviation the obs try to avoid. If you go past 40 weeks, they want to induce (usually a dr. will push for it at 41 weeks). The biggest problem with this is that due dates are notoriously unreliable. Only 5% of women give birth on their due date. There is also really no way to know when you've ovulated or the zygote implants unless IVF is used. I have a five week cycle, but my ex-ob insisted on using a 4 week cycle to determine my due date, of course I went past that, but my midwives used the correct date and #1 was born four days early (I was terrified of a forced induction).

Anyway, this is what can happen when you're induced (yeah, yeah, yeah, I know plenty of women are induced without any problem, unfortunately, I know way more that had issues). You go to the hospital and they hook you up to Pitocin (the induction drug). Contractions start and they are super, super painful. So you ask for an epidural (and I can't blame you for that, I've heard Pitocin-induced labor can be quite unbearable). You relax a bit and labor slows down. They increase the Pitocin. Meanwhile, you're hooked up to a fetal monitor (which, BTW, is shown to NOT help and increases the risk of c-section) and suddenly, because of the stress on your body, your baby's heartbeat becomes irregular. Whether this would have corrected itself or not, you won't know, because the dr. is now wheeling you down to surgery for an emergency c-section. They slice and dice (I know, I'm so crude) and you now have your perfectly healthy baby, and a two-week, at least, recovery period from major abdominal surgery. If you're lucky, you won't get an infection (but I've known several women that this happened to as well and they got to spend time in the hospital without their baby).

This was seriously condensed, but the point is that once there is intervention it usually leads to more intervention. Even just starting at the epidural point can cause problems because getting an epidural can slow labor, which will make the dr. want to add some pitocin and you're back on that slippery slope.

The biggest problem is that labor is out of control. Your body usually knows what it's doing, but your body cannot communicate that everything is under control. Drs. want to be the ones in control (in general) and with a natural labor they can't be. A normal labor can start and stop and plateau for a while. Midwives understand this and react to what your body wants to do. Yes, there are women for whom a c-section is necessary and appropriate, but WHO has determined that this should be no more than 10%, not this country's 30% (and rising). If I can help prevent those additional 20% through education, then I will feel as though I've done my job.

Back to Bland

Ugh, in trying to take my own advice (always a precarious place to be) we had chili for dinner last night. I had vegetarian (yeah, yeah, from a can) that wasn't too spicy. Or so I thought. I was fine last night but the leftovers today nearly did me in. Just stomach pain, but what agony! My toddler thoroughly enjoyed it, so at least he was good. However, I will be dialing back on the spicy food for the next few weeks. Fortunately, we don't have any good (spicy) ethnic restaurants around, so less of a temptation that way. I do really miss Indian food though (not that I've had any in a really, really long time).

Only a couple more weeks until my second trimester, so I'll be trying spicy again soon!

Let's Talk About Sex (and) Baby

(Why yes, I do live on cliches) After my scare yesterday I reminded myself that I should do a sex post. Not so much about sex during pregnancy (although it can be good, you know, when you don't feel like puking) but sex after pregnancy. My midwife has told me that she has had women show up to their six-week postpartum checkup pregnant. I don't even want to know who those women were because for the rest of us, sex after childbirth is uncomfortable to downright painful. If you had any tearing then there will be stitches and then scars. Even if you didn't, you pushed a baby out, the last thing you probably want is a penis going in. Breastfeeding can cause both low libido and decreased vaginal secretions. And don't even get me started on PPD and sexual desire (or the whore/Madonna complex our puritanical society has going).

So, what do you do? Even with the exhaustion, by a couple of months post-baby your husband is going to be craving you. Number one: K-Y. Buy lots of it. This will be your savior. Make sure that you have discussed birth control. The last thing that you want is to get knocked up when your baby isn't even close to sleeping through the night. Condoms are easiest at this point, because you will ovulate before you get your first period, so don't count on keeping track of your cycle at first (I am constantly amazed at how many women this happens to, I was terrified and sex was much more fun when I wasn't worried about pregnancy, too). Pick a time when you know the baby will sleep, or get a babysitter for a couple of hours. Then go slowly. The first few times we had sex again (three months after birth) it was really, really uncomfortable. But, it gets better, and better. One of the mysteries of the female body that nobody talks about is that after you give birth, sex can be better than ever. And I mean mind-blowingly so. I had never had an orgasm during intercourse. Now I can nearly every time (it certainly made trying for #2 much more fun!). But you do have to make love regularly or it can go back to being uncomfortable, at least at first.

For now, this is probably the last thing on your mind. I don't remember how many times we made love during my first pregnancy, but I'm guessing I could count them on my fingers, toes at the most. It's important to take care of yourself first. If you want to make sure your husband is taken care of, offer him some private time with his computer for now.