Let's Talk About Sex (and) Baby

(Why yes, I do live on cliches) After my scare yesterday I reminded myself that I should do a sex post. Not so much about sex during pregnancy (although it can be good, you know, when you don't feel like puking) but sex after pregnancy. My midwife has told me that she has had women show up to their six-week postpartum checkup pregnant. I don't even want to know who those women were because for the rest of us, sex after childbirth is uncomfortable to downright painful. If you had any tearing then there will be stitches and then scars. Even if you didn't, you pushed a baby out, the last thing you probably want is a penis going in. Breastfeeding can cause both low libido and decreased vaginal secretions. And don't even get me started on PPD and sexual desire (or the whore/Madonna complex our puritanical society has going).

So, what do you do? Even with the exhaustion, by a couple of months post-baby your husband is going to be craving you. Number one: K-Y. Buy lots of it. This will be your savior. Make sure that you have discussed birth control. The last thing that you want is to get knocked up when your baby isn't even close to sleeping through the night. Condoms are easiest at this point, because you will ovulate before you get your first period, so don't count on keeping track of your cycle at first (I am constantly amazed at how many women this happens to, I was terrified and sex was much more fun when I wasn't worried about pregnancy, too). Pick a time when you know the baby will sleep, or get a babysitter for a couple of hours. Then go slowly. The first few times we had sex again (three months after birth) it was really, really uncomfortable. But, it gets better, and better. One of the mysteries of the female body that nobody talks about is that after you give birth, sex can be better than ever. And I mean mind-blowingly so. I had never had an orgasm during intercourse. Now I can nearly every time (it certainly made trying for #2 much more fun!). But you do have to make love regularly or it can go back to being uncomfortable, at least at first.

For now, this is probably the last thing on your mind. I don't remember how many times we made love during my first pregnancy, but I'm guessing I could count them on my fingers, toes at the most. It's important to take care of yourself first. If you want to make sure your husband is taken care of, offer him some private time with his computer for now.