Breastfeeding: my dirty little secret

Still in pain, but it's time to move on, blog-wise.

I am a huge, huge advocate of breastfeeding. Unless you're a drug addict, it is the best thing to feed your baby. It's natural, it's usually on tap, and it's free. It contains everything nutritionally that your baby needs for the first year of life (although most babies are interested in solids before then). And it can also be incredibly difficult, painful and frustrating. Part of the problem is that we don't have a breastfeeding culture, I mean, before you have a baby, how many women do you see breastfeeding?

I couldn't do it, not exclusively, and I was horribly ashamed of it. My baby had sucking issues that took two and a half weeks to diagnose, I had an unsympathetic pediatrition and in the time it took to figure things out, my supply nearly dried up. After a month of working with a lactation consultant and the prescription drug Reglan, I was finally able to give him mainly breast milk. Then I had to go back to work. I was exhausted, overstressed, suffering from Postpartum Depression and had an extremely unsympathetic company. In the nine weeks that I attempted to be a working mom, my supply dropped precipitiously so that by the last week at work, pumping four times a day, I was getting an ounce or two of milk. Add in the fact that baby had been on the bottle for most of his waking hours at day care, and he had lost interest in my breasts. I dried up completely at seven and a half months and still mourn it (and I totally allowed the bottle before nap and bedtime for much longer than I should have because of my guilt, we finally got rid of them this weekend at seventeen and a half months).

To focus on the positive: this time around I know what I'm doing, even if my new baby still won't. I know and trust the lactation consultants at the hospital and will go in at the first sign of trouble. I swear that this time I will join La Leche League (I was too depressed to, last time). And each time you have a new baby, you have more milk ducts, and more milk production. The fact that I'm already up to a D from my little As this soon is also a good sign (last time my breasts didn't really grow until the end, which I've heard is a bad sign). So here is keeping my fingers crossed. Oh, and hopefully this time I will get over any shame of having problems much faster, too.

More of the same

Made it to my GP, the first appointment available with the physical therapist is Thursday morning. I'm not sure what I'm going to do until then. I'm sorry this blog is now so awful and boring. When I can sit again I promise to write about breastfeeding!

Still in pain

Didn't sleep much last night, I was tossing and turning too much. I did, however, have an easier day today. The family met some friends at the zoo for the day and walking around for hours left me painless. Until I sat down again. Oh, and I'm thoroughly exhausted. So I'm back in pain this evening. The yoga pose Child's Pose also helps a bit, but because I've broken both of my feet, I can't stay in it for very long. C'est la vie. I love babies, I love babies, I love babies.

Pain!

Back in 2003, when my husband and I were in the early bliss of our relationship, we were horsing around in the pool one day. He was tossing me around and, deceived by the weightlessness of the water, I attempted to throw him. Big, big, BIG mistake. I wrenched my back and tweaked my hamstring. For the most part I'm fine, but every once in a while I have a flare-up for a couple of days. Add in pregnancy and I've been in excruciating pain much of today with limited mobility. I managed to hold it together to host a community meeting this morning, but then I took a nap and could barely get out of bed. I would normally get in the jacuzzi tub, but not while pregnant!

So, what can I do? When I had back pain (unrelated) during my last pregnancy I went to physical therapy and it helped 100%. Monday morning I will be calling my GP first thing to set up an appointment to get a referral (don't you love all of the hoops you have to jump through for insurance?) to a physical therapist. In the mean time, I'm using a heating pad and getting massages from my husband. And just biting my tongue since I refuse to take any pain meds.

Screening for birth defects

Today I went in for an ultrasound and blood test to check for the possibility of Down's Syndrome and two Trisonomy disorders (I don't remember the specifics, I missed my nap today). I'm not at high risk, but the test is relatively painless (finger prick) and since my insurance pays for it (and little else) I like having the peace of mind. Of course, this does bring up the question of what would my husband and I do if the tests came back positive. This is something that we discussed before getting married and procreating. Both of us are fervently pro-choice believing that a baby is not a sentient being until it is born and that there is nothing worse than an unwanted child. ( Side note: When I had my miscarriage I had to exam my opinion, for if I believe that birth is what makes a person, then how do I reconcile my feelings of loss and sorry? I had a wonderful discussion with my midwife and was able to come to terms with both without feeling hypocritical.) We feel it isn't fair to bring a child into the world if they are going to suffer beyond the pale for their lives. Nor would it be fair to other children to intentionally have a child that would take all of our time and energy. Not to mention the fact that if such a child were to outlive us then he or she would most likely be a burden upon the state and his or her siblings. I hope that we never have to make such a decision, and weighed with it, I can't guarantee what our decision would be, but I do feel better for both having discussed it beforehand, and having the foresight to take tests that will allow us to make a decision.

3rd Midwife Appointment

Okay, it was actually on Tuesday, I just had other things I wanted to write about first. And not much happened. I got to meet the newest member of my midwife team, who was awesome, as expected. They were one person short, so my appointment was only half an hour (as opposed to the ten minutes you get with an ob). I'm still nauseated, still having sleep issues, yadda, yadda, yadda. My blood pressure is still excellent, my uterus felt great, and we got to listen to Baby Blob's heartbeat! 155 bpm, just perfect. Makes things a little more real, but, honestly, it hasn't sunk in yet that there's going to be another baby in my arms at the end of August.

That's Madame President

Does that make me one of those cracks in the glass ceiling? This post is purely for bragging rights. And an example of being able to do SOMETHING other than just procreate. We live in a newer community which has some issues. Tonight was our first (long overdue) community meeting to create a board and actually get some stuff done. Out of thirteen homes, two of us showed up (my husband was at home putting #1 to bed, so he had a good excuse). I promptly volunteered to be president. In our last home, my husband was on the condo board, and while it was a lot of thankless work for him, it also kept us really connected to the community, which is even more important once children are involved.

It's really easy to withdraw from society and become homebodies once you have children. Let's face it, they're a pain to do anything with when they're younger and then become the center of all activities once they're older. But as momma bears, we also have to go out in the world and make sure that our communities, neighborhoods, schools, are places that are good for our children to be raised in. Without children, the occasional (quiet) pothouse bothers me, but I'm not going to put up a fuss. With a child walking past it every day on the way to and from school, you'd better believe that I'm going to be calling the cops every day until it's gone. Children make us have to care about the environment more, if just so we can let them out of our sight on occasion without spending the whole time worrying. When I was a child, I'd run around the neighborhood and I want my children to be able to do the same. When you have an infant, it's all you can do to keep your family sane. But once your child(ren) is(are) older, it's imperative to get out in the world and make a difference for their future.